Jennifer Marie Wanders

I would like to share a bit about my journey with Faith, in the hope that it may resonate with some of you. 

Faith is sometimes hard because it is believing in things we may not be able to see or feel when we want or need to see and feel them. Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” 

I grew up in a household with very strict rules. Typically, it was only my mother and I who went to mass on Sundays. I loved going because they had donuts after church. I also had a ton of questions. I remember standing, kneeling, sitting, and that was on repeat. I didn’t know why we had to do this so frequently, and when I asked my Ma questions during mass, I would get a lovely look that told me to just follow suit – something I haven’t ever been good at. I had even more questions when my Ma read the bible to my brother and me. She got a little frustrated and said I had too many questions and that I just had to have faith. My young mind went to George Michael’s song and singing in my head, “You’ve got to have faith.” That was probably not what she meant, but I danced along to the song anyway- I am an 80s baby, after all.  

My grandmother, who passed exactly a month before my tenth birthday, taught me how to pray. She taught me how to kneel by my bedside, fold my hands just right, and pray a prayer I still say to this day. Sometimes, I would look up at her because I thought she was so strong and beautiful. Even when she was terminally ill, her faith never wavered. She had her rosary, and she told me she was not mad at God, and I shouldn’t be either, because she knew I was. I had such a hard time when she passed. I felt a part of me went with her, and as hard as I tried not to be, I was angry with God.  A few months after she passed, she came to me in a dream and told me that I could stop crying, that she was alright, without pain, and happy. She also told me not to lose faith in God. I was calmer after that dream, and when I told my Ma about it, she hugged me and said that my grandmother was right. There was the word again, “Faith.” 

My childhood and teenage years were not for the faint of heart. There was loss, pain, fear, struggles, and loneliness, and I know some of you have also walked similar paths.  I have reflected on some of the moments of loneliness throughout my life and some words that my Godmother taught me: “You are never alone, for you always have God, Mother Mary, and the angels by your side.”  I also have a wooden plaque in my office with the poem, “Footprints.” In this poem, the author talks about a dream he had. One night, he is walking in the sand with the Lord, and he sees his life flash in scenes. He noticed that throughout his life, there were two sets of footprints, but during times of struggle, he only saw one set of footprints. So, he questions the Lord and asks Him, that why, when he needed God the most, did he only see one set of footprints? “The Lord replied: My precious, precious child, I love you, and I would never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints, it was then I carried you.” Psalm 23:4 says, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” 

God has also continued walking with me and carrying me through my adulthood. I left my house at 18, worked full-time, and eventually earned two master’s degrees. There were days when I said, “Forget this, this is too hard.” Then I prayed on it, I let go, and I let God take over. I kept my faith, even when others didn’t believe in me. When things seemed hard, I looked to the verse of Matthew 11:28-29, “Come to me, all you who are weary and carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” 

Coming to terms with health challenges that prevent me from becoming a biological mother has been another test of Faith. I prayed so often for a different outcome, and when I asked God for clarity, to help me understand, He answered. He showed me that while I may not be a mother in the traditional sense, I have been a motherly figure to my niece and nephews and a rock-star aunt! I even officiated my oldest nephew’s wedding last year. So, God had other plans. I got into the field of Mental Health to help others who went through struggles like I have and like the words of Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” 

My Godmother also taught me that when things are hard, to “Give it to God.” This doesn’t mean that we ignore problems or struggles, but that we take the burden off our shoulders and offer it to God. It is like the song, “Let it Be,” by the Beatles. “When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, ‘Let it be.’” I say these words every day, and they have gotten me through a lot, and maybe they can help you, too.  

You will encounter people who speak ill of you and wish to bring you harm. There will be people who try to bring you down. Don’t let them change or silence you. You have a voice, and the world needs to hear it. Everything is in God’s time.  

My spiritual journey continues, and as I pass by people, I say a silent prayer, send out love and light every day, and ask for peace for all. I know so many of us have had struggles and still struggle. I hope you know you are seen. You are loved. You are a child of God and never alone. May you always walk in faith, may you always know your value, and may you Let Go, and Let God.